there were exceptionally few people studying in school today. weird phenomenon. school's dull, so packed with the never-ending tutorials. I havent start my revision yet. late late LATE.

been having eating disorders again. irregular meal times, gonna kill me soon. a meal daily, how does that sound? I'm not being picky about school's food, though I'm quite sick of it on the other hand. somehow just loses appetite the moment I step into the ever-crowded canteen.

big bruise still visible on the right hand. blue-black consists of a tinge of maroon too. looks quite creepy la. it wouldnt go away lol. still craving for more badminton despite all these!

BAHH!

I feel so bottled up. whats wrong?

glad that my old self is back, the cheery and nonsensical me. (or is it that I've always been like that and I'm thinking too much?)

been reaching home after 2030 for almost everyday. I missed my stop just now, and had to walk back from the fire station after that. how infuriating! thought that a shower would perk me up, but instead I'm feeling lethargic.

*!&#^$%!@

SCREAM.

Its pointless. I'm better off dead.

Kill me.

jojo is a happy girl today :)

had a yummy dinner at pariss with mum, auntie, cousins and that sick brother of mine. took hell lotsa photos with pangsaikia. sianbeibei was looking at us with disgust. everyone has put on weight! HAHA I'M NOT ALONE ANYMORE.

I bought a new facial product! hope it works! cost a bomb you know. [Resolution one: to have beautiful complexion.]

met liting in the afternoon and we chatted at the station with the gates between us. her first reaction was 'JOANNA! YOU'VE REALLY GROWN FAT! WHAT HAPPENED!' in mandarin.

whahaha shot me down immediately. quite saddening la, so I'll be doing something about it definitely! [Resolution two: slim down, not too slim, but SLIMMER.]

when I left the house, it was still bright and sunny. when I walked home, it was drizzling already. imagine how long we stood there, just chatting all the way haha.

in life, we'll have many friends, but among these people, there're only a few whom we can chat with, about practically everything under the sun. dont you find that sometimes you have to deliberately think of topics while talking to some friends? well, I dont like that kind of feeling, especially when both cant think of anything. it makes the whole situation so awkward. BLEH.

* * *

eleanor and I have cultivated a bad habit in school, that is to roam around during lessons. we would walk around for like 15mins or longer before heading back. going to the loo, refilling bottles, eating in the canteen, touring in the library (for air-conditioning). these are the things we did. HAHA hopeless. I believe there's still more to come! [Resolution three: keep my butt in class for as long as possible.]

we two are slacking like hell man. the purpose of going to school now, is not to study and learn, but to have fun. for every lesson, I'm just counting down for the bell to ring.

time to focus, its only a month or so to promos. [Resolution four: concentrate during lessons and make full use of breaks to study.]

I've gotta snap out of it and carry on with life.. [Final resolution: to wait patiently and endure till 28november for my troubles to be over, hopefully..]

The bright and round moon hangs in the dark sky.. smoke-like clouds floating by..

I WANT TO EAT MOONCAKE LEH ._.

some colours were added to my dull life today (FINALLY). played some badminton and had some good perspiration after being stagnant for more than a month? hee.

joined the group for in-line skating training after that. bumps here bumps there bumps everywhere. countless times I fell haha. despite all these, I still suck at it man. nevermind, practice makes perfect. I will try harder haha.

I realised life now is almost equivalent to having no life. its so much tougher than last year, where I still have my fair share of fun even during mugging period.

journey to school is boring. daily routines just suck. changing of mugging location at 6pm irritates me. and now they have to set special times for the opening of the side gates, how inconvenient! although I dont think it would affect me much, I cant go out to snack anymore :(

* * *

there are five people on my mind now. Pangsaikia, whom I will be seeing tomorrow for dinner. Cheryl, Jieying, Siqi. dont know why, I miss you girls so much.

well, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

jojo is back after MIA-ing for a week or so. hee!

so many things happened within this short period. I'm simply too lazy to jot them down. BLEH. sickening tests are driving me crazy. how I wish I can skip pe for the rest of the semester. I cant wait for november, to say goodbye to project work. GRRR promos is just round the corner and I'm still slacking.

HELP HELP.

I think I've let many people around me down. I feel bad whenever I do things without thinking. there's no use reproaching after that. sorry guys.

I miss 4justice04, I miss OG13 :(

I wore the red shirt to school, prayed that the rain would fall asap, and it did! unexpected people all in school, expected people all at home. a bit of disappointment and excitement here and there. Erm, for seemun at least. LOL.

we were like santa clauses giving out sweets! haha!

what a way to spend national day's eve. stoned around in school, at junction8, on my bed. hmmm, everything's so RED! Grrr, I'm feeling all stressed up again. there's so much I want to do, but only this much amount of what I can do.

* * *

Bring me back to the place where I still play with my friends..

"my boyfriend gave me a flower!"



this was what I chanted whenever I see people I know in school on wednesday. this african daisy has 57 fully-grown petals. I counted them :) kisses for eleanor! how sweet of her to choose the RED one. sexy colour!

hmmm, bought quite a few things and some yummy biscuits from marks and spencer! ooh I just love the ginger cookies! I'm already assuming that I've fully recovered, and therefore started munching on whatever junk food that's within my reach. haha.

where should I go tomorrow for mugging? cant find the ideal location, well decide later! zooms.

* * *

edisni gniyd si em laer eht

for the past three hours, whenever I happen to look at the screen's clock at the bottom, it would be the 33rd minute. it just leads me to think of something related.

I think I've been acting strangely since wednesday. I was behaving hysterically without any sense? I guess seemun and yating sensed that something was amiss yesterday, but I couldnt tell them the reason. I'm happy for seemun, things are looking good for her :)

got scolded by damn chong first thing in the morning. ruined my day instantly. had no choice but to attend the useless gp lectures in the future. he knew more or less that I wasnt there for the past few times and was just faking it. I wasnt paying much attention during tutorials too. whats more, eleanor wasnt in school today. I was alone almost throughout. get well soon girl! school's different without you around.

* * *

eleven days ago, I was a happy girl. now, eleven days later, my world comes crumbling down. perhaps all along it was just a wishful thinking on my part that things are fine, when in actual fact they are not. tried to force the tears out but unable to. I cant cry.

I never understood why..

my tuesdays are cursed, so cursed.. everything doesnt seem right today. hope tomorrow will be a better day.

I'm confused, to go or not to go. I'm weighing all the pros and cons, but just cant find the perfect answer. I'm afraid of taking the odds, but its currently something I'm interested in. what should I do?

* * *

My world has been invaded!

I want to cry. yes I really do..